How to become more outgoing and fun? PLEASE ANSWER!? Burned by friends but don't want new ones...?

Ironic, in my early life to gr.7 i was a shy kid, always wore black and was SO weird... so let me tell you my life story, and hopefully, you will get something out of it: in gr.6 i went out, thinkning to myself, OK Pinguu, this is YOUr year, THIs year, i WILL be the popular kid! and BAM... i walk in there, wearing NOt black... and im shy, i sit, dont talk to anyone... F U PIN GUU!!! im useless! so i went that year.... useless.... and btw, i was a popular kid NOT at school, it was weird, like at camps or justt hat home. anyways, along come gr.7... i said to myself again... THIS! IS! SPARTA!!! (gr.7) and i saw a person i knew with this SUPER HOT CHICK, so, in my black clothes... i put on the fakest smile i ever have in my life! jumped and said HIIII!!!!! i put all my shy and fear away and just went for it! (kinda like my first prreformance in front of people) and my friend said "your in a good meed, i swear ur emo?" i said WHAAT NAAAA!!!... and so on :) now im awsome! going to gr.10, bla bla bla, but the only thing i dont like is im rather sad, putting on a fake smile makes me popular and have friends... but i mean.... i hate living, i wanna die! why do we live?? to work and have kids then die ayway?? whatever though, i hope i helped!